Thursday, August 11, 2005


Beerstamps, Nachostamps and other Liberal Social Programs

Had a great time at my local grocery store last night. After having pulled a muscle in my back and gone to the minor emergency (I paid my $189 bill cash) I needed a snack. So, I dug out the change from under the couch, in the truck's ashtray, the dryer's lint trap and everywhere else to go shopping. My whopping $4.21 (or $4.12 if the gooey black thing is really a penny and not a dime) can buy a lot of 10 fer $1.00 Ramen noodles or 4 fer $1.00 Cheesy Noodles. As I hobbled and limped thru the aisles with my .59 cent bread, .49 cent housebrand 2liter Cola, 4 Cheesey Noodles, 10 Ramen noodles (Spicy beef), 2 bananas, and a dozen Grade A large eggs for .89 cents, I felt proud knowing I could survive till 10am Friday when I collect my paycheck. Unfortunately, at 1am there is only one checkout counter open, my luck I got stuck behind a rather large woman with a full shopping cart. As I watched her unload, I began to salivate (almost). Among other things; Ben and Jerry's Icecream, Presliced Precooked Brisket, Hi C Fruit Punch, Chocolate Milk, a block of Colby Jack cheese, Diet Vanilla Cherry DP, and to finish it off the 2ply Ultra Soft Mega Roll TP (Beats my 1ply sandpaper rejects I get at the dollar store that run 8 fer buck). She missed the cutoff for alcohol so the 3 four packs of Wine Coolers had to go back. Yep, took a good 5 minutes to ring up, but I wasn't shocked to see her $220 plus bill (gotta love those checkout monitors, the person behind you can see how much your Preparation H Fast Relief creme costs). No, but seeing the monitor say $107 FoodStamp Eligible did. And with that out came the Master's new chain, the Food Stamp Card (Lonestar Card here in Texas). Four little jabs at the card swiper with her rather large fingers and the bill came out to about $116. She had a shopping cart full of food good enough to party with, and I became angry that my Check gets shaved every week to pay for it. As i stared in disbelief she used a Gold card to pay the balance, "need my airline miles" she told the cashier. She pushes the cart out the door and towards a waiting cab, who has probably been waiting with the meter running. Great, I walk to work sometimes to save gas or let the wife use our one car, and she collects airline miles and pays with foodstamps, whilst taxiing around town?? I should have just done the stereotypical minority thing and went to the ER for my back, shrugged my shoulders and let the city foot the bill, used my foodstamps to buy BBQ and Chips while saving my dollars for beer, and thrown a big party on my front lawn, blasting obscenely loud music, next to my cars parked in the grass and sofas on the porch, while being abused by the police (This is the way liberals like to thing of minorities). My luck I went over my budget and had to put the soda back, but i figured i could find some Tea packets and borrow a lime from the frat guys next door.
Then the cashier told me I would have to use the CoinStar Coin machine upfront she couldnt accept that much change. And when the machine was done counting my coins, i lost another .40 cents for the "convenience fee". So I put back my .59 cent bread and drove home with the A/C off to save gas.
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